Today...I wanted to quit.

Two days ago I celebrated a few physical goals I'd set for myself. Although they were small they were worth celebrating. 

I realized today that transformation doesn't just happen on the outside. It occurs from within. In the past, I recalled thinking..."if only I could physically transformed myself to fit these stats" I would be fine. Boy...was I wrong. It is more about the mental transformation with "the physical" being the byproduct.  Today during one of my training sessions I literally considered quitting, even after 20+ sessions. Quitting - because I thought I couldn't do it. Self doubt had reared it's ugly head as it has for the last 15 years or so of my life. I was so upset with what "the mental" was taken from my physical performance and just wanted to give up. The last time I experienced this feeling was during my 97' basic training boot camp training - wow that was over 13 years ago.

After returning to the car I broke down crying and told myself I should be able to do this, it shouldn't be that hard, but it was, and that's OK. I now realize that until I win mentally, then and only then, can I win physically. Hard work requires challenging the mind and inner energy to it's maximum capacity. This is needed in order to get through the most difficult situation or perhaps a personal cheerleader, coach or helpmeet.

 

My husband tends to help me sort out these minor episodes of "self doubt" being the perfect compliment to my anxieties, fear of failure, or being too hard on myself. He often times is the great voice of reason for me. He clearly will not let me beat myself up, speak defeating thoughts, or talk myself into a loss before the victory. Today he did all that and more. I was grateful for the voice of reason at the time I needed it the most. Thanks, Babe.

In the mean time I plan to incorporate additional strategies that would deal with this type of behavior. I am more than a conqueror. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13

I will be doing some mental repositioning this week in order to champion my physical abilities.

One blog I found to be helpful has been the state of the mind.

As always the mind is a terrible thing to waste. - Malcom X

Have a great weekend folks!!!